Infertility, in Retrospect

Ann Voskamp, in One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, has taught many of us that "all is grace"...and that joy comes from gratitude, even for those things that bring sadness...because we cannot see the whole picture.  But he can.  We can only trust.

Friday's post, for me, brought to the surface one of these areas of grace that is always just below it.

Photo: Leeni, click for license

As I reflect back on 22 years of marriage touched by infertility, I still feel the sadness, but it is not quite so searing now.  Partly because we were gifted with a miracle who has brought such goodness and joy into our home that it eclipses the want for the many others that we had hoped would join our home.  And partly, too, because I realize that the absence of the others, that we had longed for, has opened up space for some that I have not birthed, but have loved.

As I reflect on my burden of sadness, I realize that there are a couple of others that have been placed on my heart to love.  I'm not sure why.  But I can't shake them, even when they want me to.  Somehow, it is my job to worry about them, pray for them, hope for them, hold them in my heart.  Like my own.

Perhaps if I had been given the houseful that I had hoped and prayed for, I would have missed them,... these others.

I suppose that God has his reasons, and it is our job to accept our lot, live in it fully, and call it good.

I'm almost...almost...ready to be thankful for it.

Peace of Christ,
Michelle

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