Virtue Challenge: Poised and Modest

This is part 6 of a series.  Part 5 is here.

Elyse is participating in YALs Virtue Challenge. She is posting weekly about her experiences. You will find more about the Virtue Challenge and a linkup of posts here. Elyse is 18 years old. She is a sophomore at Bakersfield College and is working toward a degree in Microbiology. She assists in the Veil Shop and enjoys reading, writing, and time with friends.  I suppose I should also add that she is a Halo addict, even though it hardly seems appropriate here.  :)

Week Six: Poised and Modest

This submission is a little late, but I’d prefer it to be late and written with genuine inspiration rather than something I cranked out off the top of my head. (And I wander...a lot.) The topic of this blog post will be the movie Brave, which was really popular and then sorta got replaced by Guardians. (Which is also a cute movie…anyway. Back to the post.)

Brave speaks to me.

It’s not because Brave is a cute story or because Brave has great animation or funny accents or a really cute main character with adorable frizzy hair.

It’s because Brave isn’t Mulan.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Mulan.

But Mulan isn’t Brave.

Mulan is a story about a girl who has to evince her strength and worthiness by becoming like a man.

Brave is the exact opposite.

There is one scene that will always stay in my mind, and I’m sure those who have seen it and appreciate it like I do are thinking of it right now. I don’t remember the exact details, but I remember the imagery.

It took place in a grand meeting hall, where all the clan/group/whatever-they’re-called leaders had met (I think to show off their sons as potential suitors for Merida, the princess). Something had set them off, and they had begun beating each other to pulps with all manner of weapons and stupidity. It was complete chaos.

But then there was the queen. All she had to do was stand up and walk.

That’s it. Just walk.

She held her head high and her back was straight, her gait was graceful but purposeful.

She walked, and the men fell like sheaves of wheat out of her path.

She didn’t pick up a great big axe or hammer or candelabrum or pig femur or whatever else they were beating each other with and fight her way through.

She just walked.

What Brave communicates is that there is power in femininity. There is power in being a woman, just like there is power in being a man. But femininity is a woman’s power, as masculinity is a man’s. They’re separate, but they complement each other. A woman can still be brave and strong, but there is bravery and strength in being feminine.

Modesty is a woman’s power. Like it or not, the body is the main source of a woman’s power. Because men are mainly visual, they see first. And when they see a woman who is her body, who is her breasts or who is her legs, they see breasts and legs. When they see a woman who is covered and modest, they have to see the girl, rather than her body.

Christian men are still men—they still see breasts and legs (and hopefully they love them, but when the time is proper). But our duty as women is to help men move toward Christ by not making it hard for them to do so. It’s not a battle of, “I’m going to test you to see how holy you think you are.” It’s more like, “Here, how about I cover up so it’s easier for you to think holy thoughts?”  It isn’t fair to them for us to make things difficult.

And it’s not just for men. Modesty is for women, too. Ourselves. Our bodies are temples, and they should be treated as such. We need to respect ourselves in order to be respected. We are not breasts and legs; we are children of Christ, created in His image.

Maybe I’ll write a post specifically about Brave and how it shows strength and womanhood are the same.

Who knows?

And you know you all want a My Little Pony quote:

Just because somepony is lady-like doesn’t make her weak. In fact, by using her wits, a seemingly defenseless pony can be the one who outsmarts and outshines them all.

- Twilight Sparkle

 ~   Elyse

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Next Week's Virtue:

Nurturing and Welcoming

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Elyse is linking up her Virtue Challenge posts here:

(You are invited to link up too.)

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What Grandma Would Have Told You About Bending Over- If You'd Been Born a Generation Earlier

Women these days have it rough.  We are surrounded by a culture which devalues sex, while promoting it heavily and suggesting that it is our primary source of value.  Our clothing choices in mainstream stores reflect this. Women, especially younger women, walk a tightrope between being attractive and staying pure.

Men though, have it tougher.  Men have the challenge of taming their God given visual attraction to the physicality of women.  It was difficult enough to do this in an earlier age, when the culture was more modest and chaste. Today, men who wish to be noble and upright are being thrown to the wolves.  The greatest problem is, sometimes the ones doing the throwing are Christian women.

Our brothers in Christ ought to, at the least, be safe in the company of Christian women.

I know that finding modest clothing can be a challenge. Sometimes, the expense of acquiring a suitable wardrobe is a barrier, and, certain figures are more difficult to keep covered than others.  Fair enough.  Sometimes we focus too much on the cut of the clothing. But, sometimes, just the way that we carry ourselves makes a huge difference. There was a time when girls were taught never to lean over without placing their left hand on their neckline, and bending at the knees.  Today, we are too busy teaching girls that they can do anything a man can do to bother teaching them that if they bend over like a man, he is going to see that they clearly are not one.

Christians are terribly fearful of being branded as legalistic, at present.  We have fallen into the general social pattern of believing that anything goes.

Fine, say I,...I will refrain from suggesting that any woman should avoid immodesty on religious grounds.  Heaven forbid, or the "L" word may come up.

I'm not going to suggest that you should practice basic modest principles because God says so....I'm just going to suggest that you ought to because grandma says so....or she would have, if you had been born a generation or two earlier.

The point does need to be made that none of this is about other women.  It's about you and your choices. It's about your relationship with God, your brothers in Christ, and your future or present husband.  If you are single, it's about drawing the kind of man that you want in your life.  It is not about passing judgment on the woman in the next pew.  You don't get to do that.  It's not your job.

I had planned to write a post about basic feminine guidelines for choosing clothing and taking care to sit, bend, and carry yourself modestly.  But then...I found a post from a man who did a better job than I may have.  Apparently he knows what grandma knew....just by virtue of being male.

We're swimming in a sea of indecency these days.  Things have gone so far, that it almost seems futile to even try to address it.  But, for the sake of our own feminine beauty, and the struggles of our Christian brothers, it needs to be done.

Interested in what grandma would have told you a generation or two ago?  Stop by this post.  Reading the whole thing will give you an insightful, and personal, glimpse into the mind of a man, and the silent cry of Christian men that you will make the effort to support them.  Reading the "How You Sit, Bend, and Carry Yourself", and "Tips on Dressing Modestly" sections will give you the tips that girls used to learn growing up.

Could we have a long, drawn out argument about:
Whether men should tell women how to dress?
Whether it is a man's problem how he reacts to the body of a woman?
Whether a focus on specifics of how women might best dress, and carry themselves, is legalistic?

Sure.  We could.  But, give me a break here.
I think we all know that our society's morals have gone to Perdition.

It isn't really even a Christian issue anymore.
It's a basic decency issue at this point.

It's just common sense folks.

Blessings Dear Ones,
Pax Cristi,
~Michelle

 
There is a followup to this post here:

My Sexist Views

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Christianity and Cleavage (Not for Children)

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Christianity and Cleavage (Absolutely Not for Children)

By Kristaps B. from Tukums, Latvia (Wearing a cross)
[CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)]
, via Wikimedia Commons

This is one of those posts where I am feeling cranky.  I tend to make people angry when I am cranky.  If you are feeling oppositional, please click off.  I'm not in the mood.  (Smiles)

~~~~~

So then....
Really?
I'm seeing a lot of this lately.  I get that people have no decency anymore.  I get that a huge percentage of women today feel that personal value comes from the ability to elicit sexual desire in men.  I get that modesty is supposed to equate with being "ashamed of one's body".

I don't agree with any of those things, but I get them.

But what is with all the cross and cleavage combos?

It's not just that the cross has become a meaningless fashion statement for many non-Christian women.  I suppose we have Madonna, (okay, she is my generation's fault), and Lady Gaga, (she's all yours kids), to thank for that.

But, I'm seeing this, a lot, on young Christian women.

Look young 'uns:
Your body is sacred, and so is that cross.

The more you expose your body, the less value it holds in the eyes of others.
The less value your body holds in the eyes of others, the less value you hold in the eyes of others.

Those things, (yes, I'm talking about your breasts), belong to you, your current or future husband, and your babies.  They do not belong to that vulgar guy across the room whose fantasy you will star in tonight.

Baring skin may get you attention, but it will not be attention from men who consider you valuable.  It will not bring you worth, it will make you usable....like toilet paper.

Broederhugo from nl, Click for license, via Wikimeida Commons

Sacred things are veiled.

Veiling respects sanctity and mystery.  Veiling brings respect.  So does modest dress.

The cross is a symbol of salvation.  Your Lord died a horrible violent death on that cross to pay for your sins.  The least you can do is refrain from heaping more sin on His back while you display the symbol of his sacrifice and victory.  (We can belabor the Catholic/Protestant battle over the nature of atonement...but that is not really the point here, is it?  So, please, spare me.)

This:

www.filmitadka.in [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)
 or CC-BY-SA-3.0  (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0 )], via Wikimedia Commons

Just does not compare to this:

By Toni Frissell (Library of Congress[1]) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

You know it, and, if he is worth having, he knows it too.

What's that?  You think there's a huge difference in men's minds between that picture up there and the cleavage and thigh you sported up to the altar at church last Sunday?
Don't be so sure.

I think we know which one inspires more honor.
I think we know which one will attract the kind of man that you want to be a father to your children.
I think we know which one will draw the kind of man who will stand by you through all the years of your life.

I think we know which one inspires Knighthood.

You are worth more than this.

You are a child of God.

You have been won by the blood of Christ.

You have the power to spread healing and love, and to inspire virtue.
Or, you can spread lust.

You have the power to be a witness for Christ.

Or, you can pair the symbol of Christ with boobage.

It's your choice Babe.

You may also like this:

What Grandma Would Have Told You About Bending Over,if You'd Been Born a Generation Earlier

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Modesty, Purity, and the Tools for a Successful Marriage: A Parent's Responsibility

I checked in to Facebook today to find something discouraging.

There on my screen was one of those "bathroom mirror with my cell phone" pictures of a 17 or 18 year old girl with whom I am acquainted.

Well...the picture was actually of her, her belly button, her lower (much lower) abdomen, and the majority of one of her shoulders and upper chest area, and her "male friend" (who is apparently allowed to be alone in the bathroom with her).

Pretty discouraging.

Based on his comment on the picture, her father had seen it.  And..it was still there.


I have a myriad of reactions, but the primary ones are, how does a parent fail a child that way?  How does a child get to that place?  How does a child feel when dad allows a boy to be alone with her in a bathroom with the door closed?  How does she feel when dad knows that she chooses to dress that way, and allows it?  Does she feel free?  Lucky?  Unloved?  Unprotected?  I'm going with the last two, even if she is not aware of it yet.

Purity begins with purity of dress.  Purity of dress begins with purity of heart.  Purity of heart begins in the cradle, and it is birthed of loving, actively involved parents who "train up a child in the way (she) should go".

Parents with young children may think that this is not an issue for them yet.
It is.
Parents may think that guidelines for godly behavior with the opposite gender do not need to be addressed before the preteens.
They do.
Parents may think that a daughter does not like dad involved in her courtship activities.
She does.

Parents have a responsibility to guide and protect their children.  Protecting their purity and giving them the tools that they need to enter into, and maintain, a successful marriage is just as important as protecting them from falling off the playground equipment or running out into the street.  

Coming in at year 18 and saying, "Wow, that's a lot of skin" is not the answer.  Coming in from the beginning and saying: "God has made you special.  He loves you and values you.  He wants you to have a happy, healthy marriage.  Happy, healthy marriages are built on purity and godliness.  A young man who loves you will want to guard that purity." is.

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Modest Dresses are Hard to Come By!

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and

Modest Dresses are Hard to Come By

City of Angels Shirt

Be sure to place your vote below, for our exclusive Liturgical Time discount on the Shabby Apple dress line of our choice.

If my daughter had not finished high school early, she would be preparing for prom about now.  Hence, our mailbox is littered with catalogs for prom dresses.  I'm not quite sure why every dress shop in the country seems to know that an 18 year old girl lives in the house, but they do.  It's a bit creepy, actually.  What is really creepy though, is the fact that 90% of the dresses featured look like they belong on a street corner or in a "gentlemen's club".  Seriously.  I'm reticent to be so graphic, but...it's true.  I find it frightening what we have come to.

Oscar Shirt

Thankfully, Elyse started college at 16, and won't be needing a prom dress.  Those parents whose daughters are shopping for one at present, have my sympathy.  The best solution may be the sewing machine.  For those who neither allow their daughters to display body parts that used to be shown only to husbands, nor are adept with the sewing machine, the search will take some extra effort.

Alice

This is true for all women these days, I suppose.  Modesty is not popular.  Exposed cleavage is commonplace.  Young women show more thigh than not.  I'm still convinced that modest covering is more alluring than a free peek at the merchandise.  I could be wrong about this in regards to today's young men, but, I doubt it.

At any rate, there are some sellers who have modest dresses available.  Shabby Apple is one of them.  Usually, they are a tad bit pricey, but, they are offering readers of this blog a deal that we may not be able to refuse.

Curiouser and Curiouser

We need only vote on a dress line, and Shabby Apple will provide us with an exclusive customized deal on that line.  Elyse has proposed six initial dress lines to choose from.  There are choices in each line which are appropriate to ladies of any age.  Take a look, and leave a comment below to let us  which dress line you vote for, or, nominate your own.  Unfortunately, swimwear and fitness wear are excluded.

Once we've collected votes, we'll announce a dress line "winner"...and I will submit to Shabby Apple for our exclusive deal on that line.

Shabby Apple will extend an exclusive Liturgical Time discount on the dress line of our choice!

Let us know your vote by leaving a comment below.

Here are the choices, (or, nominate your own):

Ming

1. Academia

2. Up and Away

3. Yosemite

4. Baja

5. Silk Road

6. Classics

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Modesty, Purity, and the Tools for a Successful Marriage