We live in a divorce saturated culture. "No fault" divorces are handed out like candy. According to U.S. Census Bureau records, one out of every two children lives in a single parent household at some time before reaching 18.
It seems that children are now growing up in a culture that tells them to expect divorce, as the norm. I'm not sure why children from divorced households would be inclined to stay married through the rocky periods, when their parents didn't.
But, here's the thing:
The way to stay married is....
to stay married.
Any couple who has been married fifteen years or more will tell you that it was not always rosy. Every marriage has difficult periods. Every couple has to learn to be married. A couple has a choice to stay together through the difficult periods, and learn to make it work ... or ... to separate and find someone else to have rocky periods with, because no one marries the right person. Good marriages are not about being lucky enough to find the right person. Good marriages are about carefully choosing someone, whom you enjoy sharing your life with, who is as committed to marriage as you are.
Good marriages are about being even more committed to marriage, than you are to the person to whom you are married...
Having said that, the "three A's", abuse, addiction, and adultery, are another issue. I'm talking here about marriages that don't involve these things.
"Sticking with it" is a windy road, but it is a road that leads to lifelong happiness with someone you love deeply...because in the end, marriage is really about sharing lifes up and downs, challenges and joys, everyday experiences and irreplaceable moments,... with your very best friend, after all.
|Photo: StacyK, click for license|
So, hang in there folks. If you don't stay on the road, you never reach the destination.
...And that is what this old broad has to say about that.
Blessings Dear Friends,
Two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stay married reported that their marriages improved within five years. The most unhappy marriages report the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their marriages as "very unhappy," almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce are happily married five years later: Linda J. Waite, Don Browning, William J. Doherty, Maggie Gallagher, Ye Luo, and Scott M. Stanley, “Does Divorce Make People Happy? Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages,” (New York: Institute for American Values, 2002): 148-49.
The loss of commitment to the ideal of maital permanence was the reason for high divorce rates among the adult children of divorce. Paul R. Amato and Danelle D. DeBoer, "The Transmission of Marital Instability Across Generations: Relationship Skills or Commitment to Marriage?" Journal of Marriage and the Family 63 (2001): 1038-1051.
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