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Sunday, November 30, 2014

Courtship: What I Have Learned (Too Late)

Roses - gift from Sir Merton Russell-Cotes,
1921 by Matha Mutrie from Russell-Cotes Art Gallery & Museum;
via The Public Catalogue Foundation
1. It really doesn't matter what you call it. In spite of the current fervor in Christian circles over the "courtship vs. dating" phenomenon, you don't particularly have to define it. You simply need to teach principles that you deem right. Even if you entertain some regrets over potential downsides of your chosen approach, your child is still going to absorb what you believe and value; and then she's going to live it.

2. Adverse effects of your parenting mistakes are a given. Your well-loved child is smarter than you know. She'll adjust accordingly. Let it go; you've got bread to bake and laundry to do,- there isn't time for self flagellation.

3.  At some point, you are finished.  All that time spent exercising concern over how to best guide the process may be a bit excessive.  You don't really need to guide the process much at all; you've already taught her what to look for and how to honor it when she finds it.  You can't get any of that worry-wasted time back, but you can save time now by getting out of the way.  You've raised an adult; allow her to become one.

4. There are actually stellar and God-fearing young men whom you would happily hand your daughter over to.  All that wretched anxiety was misspent.

5.  In spite of your decades long and deeply held intention to welcome said stellar young man into your family embrace with love, you can best accomplish that by respecting his independence and leaving him alone. He has a mother and doesn't require another.  The granting of autonomy does not equal rejection.  Who knew? Life is chock full of unanticipated realities.

Pax Christi dear ones,
You'll make a terrible lot of mistakes; there isn't value in dwelling on them,

Wondering where we started from? 
This is part 7 of a series.
Part 1 is here.
Part 2 is here.
Part 3 is here.
Part 4 is here.
Part 5 is here.

Part 6 is here.
Linked with blogs on the Blog Hops page.

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1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing this on the Art of Home-Making Mondays! This is a subject that really interests me... And I must say, I appreciate the advice on #4 very much!!! Thank you and I hope to peruse the rest of the series soon!


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